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Life, viewed sideways. Emotions, amplified. Answers, questioned. Me, between the lines.

- A Wounded Heart, Who Can Bear?
- Drowning Under a Tidal Wave
- Clawing My Way to the Sunlight
- Yes, Santa Claus, There Is a Virginia
- Fugu
- Touching the Spirit
- A Hole in the Universe
- Riding on the Dreams of Others
- Turning Into a Shark
 - A Heart, Ripped Asunder
- Surrendering to the Roller Coaster
- Hunting in the Jade Forest
- Dodging the Shark
- Dancing With Invisible Partners
- The Captain and the Harliquin
- Courting the Devils
- The Captain Makes His Mark
- Mad Dog to the Rescue
- Innocent in the Big City
- Dropping the Ball Briefcase
- Scrambling Brains
- Cheating the Reaper, Again
- What If the Man Behind the Curtain Is No Wizard After All?
- All of Us Have a Soundtrack
- Working With Broken Machines
- Happy Anniversary, Baby
- Standing on Stars
- Running the Film Backwards
- Identity Crisis ("Who am I?")
- Can We Ever Really Admit the Desires of Our Heart?
- Forgiveness is a Rare Thing
- Having Your Heart Caressed By the Creator
- Working With Broken Machines
- A New Leg to Stand On
- The Real Spirit of Christmas
- Chatting With Infinity
- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
- We All Have a Great Capacity for Loss
- Brushed Lightly By Might Have Beens
- We See the World Through Our Own Looking Glass
- Every Storm Passes Eventually
- Accidents Can Introduce Destiny Into Our Lives
- Freedom Depends on the Walls Around Us
- Pulling Aside the Velvet Curtain
- Riding the Razor's Edge
- Dying With Strangers
- In Your Face
- Between the Lines
- The Bobcat
- Angel With a Coffeecup
- Innocent in the Big City
- Chains of Gossamer
- Playing With Knives
- Stumbling Through Memories (Ooops)
- Picture This
- Running the Film Backwards
- Playing the Score, Tasting the Music
- Coins and Corals and Carved Coconuts
- My God, I Confess
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 1, Speechless)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 2, Taxi)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 3, The Pan American)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 4, Guano)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 5, The Andes Express)

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"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."

Walt Whitman (1819-92)

"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."

Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)

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Monday, August 22, 2005

Cramming It Down My...

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English throte, from Old English; akin to Old High German drozza throat
1 a (1) : the part of the neck in front of the spinal column (2) : the passage through the neck to the stomach and lungs
2 : one of the parts of you where you really don't want other people fiddling around when you are asleep.

Today was endoscopy day. Fa la la lala, lala, lala or something like that.

And, to be honest, in a big way I was looking forward to it. FINALLY they would find this thing that has been SO painful in my chest. FINALLY I would be able to pursue relief and join the rest of humanity in such activities as climbing stairs without pain and breathing hot summer air. Maybe even I could have COFFEE again.

Yeah, I know, it was asking a lot, but a guy's gotta dream, right?

Last night it was difficult to sleep. Not because of the looming endoscopy (the unknown!) but because of some traumatic things that happened yesterday completely unrelated to it. Should I say what they were? Perhaps later, the wounds are too fresh and still bleeding. Let's just say it kept me awake.

I was up bright and early and my wife and I were at the doc's in perfect time. After a short while, mostly consumed with filling out paperwork repeating identical information that I had already given the doc at least once but this time in a different order and format, they called me back.

I'm not sure what I expected, but things kicked into high gear right away as soon as I got back there. The nurse who was the "Endoscopy Assistant" was extremely nice and made things far more relaxed. I wish I could remember her name, but she had some REALLY good drugs, so I don't.

They laid me on my side (didn't even have to undress!) and started an IV. As soon as the doctor came in, there was a bit of chitchat and then they sprayed my throat with some foul tasting chemical and then...

...Well, really I'm not sure. I mean, I thought I remembered it, but its more like a vague dream memory that anything else. I knew there was something down my throat at some point, but that's about it.

I also remember his saying "Mr. Hursey, we're all done now," and (painfully) pulling the thing from my throat. Then he said "While we're here, let's stretch his esophagus out," and then an even larger thing went down my throat for a bit.

So, now my esophagus is stretched. Every single person I know that has had an endoscopy has had that done to them. I wonder why? I don't feel different. Is there some unwritten rule among GI doctors that humanity in general has too-small esophagi?

On the way home, my wife told me what the doctor had discovered. This is what I had been waiting on, the magic answer, what all of this has been leading up to, the culmunation of months of pain and the beginning of healing...

"Well, he said you're too fat."

I sat there a minute, stunned. "Too fat??!?" Yes, I weigh 230lbs which IS overweight, but there are millions and millions far more overweight than I am. "Too fat? Is that all?"

"And he said your esophagus was loose."

"What? Did he say 'sphincter' maybe?"

"Yeah, that was it. You're too fat and have a loose sphincter. Keep taking antacids and see him in six months"

So there we have it. Medical science at its most brilliant. I'm a human Mentadent. A walking and talking Pez toy. Squeeze me and I spurt acid up my throat.

To me this just doesn't sound right.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
--Henny Youngman, US (English-born) comedian (1906 - 1998)

Permalink: 8/22/2005 11:21:00 PM |
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