"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
Walt Whitman (1819-92)
"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."
Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)
And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Having Your Heart Caressed By the Creator
awe Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old Norse agi; akin to Old English ege awe, Greek achos pain
Date: 13th century
1 : an emotion variously combining dread, veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime
2 : What I feel when God takes the time to touch me.
Three times now, I think, I've gotten emails from God.
No kidding. I mean that just like I wrote it. Now let me explain it before you go get the guys in the white suits.
The first time it happened was about five years ago. I was in the midst of a very depressive time, and I felt pretty worthless. I had been keeping up on my Bible reading each day, but I did not feel like I was "measuring up" to what God wanted in my life.
Like anyone is capable of that, but we'll come back to that later maybe.
So, I was sitting at my desk going through my email and generally digging holes in my mental state. Then I opened one that was from a total stranger. I get a lot of emails from strangers, they pick up my address from one of my web sites or mailing lists. But this one was different.
It was from a guy named Jeff in Miami. Jeff did not know me from Adam. But God had dictated a letter through Jeff to me, and it got delivered on time to the second.
I began reading the letter, and in it Jeff said that he had a special message for me. For confirmation, he said that I had read a specific verse that morning and quoted it. And I had read that verse that morning! No human knew that but me, so that really got my attention.
At that instant, I started to get kind of scared. I mean, I was already feeling inadequate, and now this! But I read further and the letter was not what I expected at all.
There was no judgment, no berating, no angry God that was going to exact retribution on me. Instead, the letter was from a loving God who was extending infinite mercy and grace. And as I read it, I found myself in tears.
I sat at my desk in awe for the longest time. I felt like I had just been truly touched by God himself, and I had.
Later I would receive another email like the first, and again it would be direct, to the point, and have stuff in it that only I could have known. The message however was the same. And the effect on me the same as well.
Jeff and I still email each other on occasion, except its been awhile. I don't know what is going on in his life nowadays, but I'm glad he listened and did something five years ago that must have seemed crazy to him at the time. That's the good kind of crazy, the crazy that all of us ought to be. The crazy that says damn the torpedoes and goes for what you know to be right inside. The crazy that sends an email to a perfect stranger and says God told me to give this to you.
And the crazy that makes that statement true. That's the important part.
They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse.
Emily Dickinson (1830 - 1886)
