"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
Walt Whitman (1819-92)
"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."
Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)
And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
OK...I have posted this entry once and it somehow got replaced by a draft version. If you read the earlier version, my apologies.
This week's Blogger Idol topic is "Dear Celebrity." My entry follows; its a bit risky and a bit creepy, but hey, what's life without risk :) This entry includes the letter, the news article, and the song lyric at the end. I'll follow this with a more light hearted entry shortly.
Eternal Nightcap
ir-rev-o-ca-ble Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin irrevocabilis, from in- + revocabilis revocable
1 : not possible to revoke : UNALTERABLE [an irrevocable decision]
2 : suicide
(Note: This letter is addressed to Steve Plunder, the late guitarist of the Australian rock group "The Whitlams." I am writing this letter from the viewpoint of Andy Lewis, a former member of the band. The details I could find about this event were sketchy at best, so I have taken considerable artistic license. However, the event described here did in fact occur.)
February 12, 2000
Dear Steve,
You know, we never really got over it.
It seems like only yesterday, but it was four years ago in 1996 when you killed yourself. I can still remember just sitting with you on a summer's day in December, idly playing on my bass and the piano as you filled the twilight air with the sounds of your guitar, playing your deep, deep melodies that always spoke to everyone so well.
It was a shame, Steve, that you could not speak as well yourself. We might have helped, you know. You always played from the heart, and yet we never really saw inside deep enough, did we?
Sometimes, you would go through staggering amounts of beer and liquor, chain smoking like a smokestack hooked to a wildfire. Now I know that you did that because it just hurt so badly, you were doing anything you could to numb it.
Did you know I left the band not long after you left a big hole in the world? Yeah, I did. I got together with the Moriarty brothers, Phil and Mick, and we started playing gigs as "The Gadflies." We even got picked up as the house band on a TV show!
But, you know mate, every dream awakens one day. I'm awake now, and this world is really a dark place. So dark it hurts.
My finances, well, they have never been worse. Sometimes, I feel like there is no f****** hope.
Like now.
My life's kinda hit the s***'s too.
The wife, the kids, its all a mess, Steve.
After you did it, we all asked "why?" We couldn't understand. They said it was because you were trying to stop drinking and smoking all at once. But now I know that wasn't it, that wasn't it at all.
Now I know, I know why.
I got a gun, Steve.
Its so dark here. So dark.
See you soon.
February 14, 2000
Andy Lewis
Andy Lewis, of the Gadflys and formerly of The Whitlams, committed suicide on Saturday amidst personal and financial problems. This occurred as the Gadflys were due to finish their 5th album. He is survived by his wife and three children.
CHARLIE No. 3
He'll need some time to get over this
But a moment is all he can spare
His buddies out there in the city lights
And he is trying to care
See him offering himself to the world
Staring down from the fifty-sixth floor
I'll be happy just to catch him again
We go out we don't always come back
The night pressing in on his weary mind
There's a half-eaten moon in the sky
Nothing is calling him back to bed
And no-one is saying goodbye
See him offering himself to the world
Staring down from the fifty-sixth floor
Yeah I'll be happy just to catch him again
We go out because we go back
And back and back
Words & Music: Tim Freedman, Greta Gertler, from Eternal Nightcap, The Whitlams
