"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
Walt Whitman (1819-92)
"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."
Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)
And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:
Friday, September 23, 2005
Broken Heart
mor-tal-i-ty Function: noun 1 : the quality or state of being mortal 2 : the wolf that I'm staring down, right now.
Some of you have been wondering where I've been. Well, I've been chasing a rabbit, trying to find out what this dang pain in my chest was, or at least how to treat it. We decided it was gastric, then the GI doc couldn't fix it. I kept chasing. The rabbit hole turned out to be a wolf den.
My cousin called me two weeks ago. This cousin is a world traveling vascular surgeon, and studied under Christian Bernard. "Cliff," he said, "You need to go see a cardiologist, just to make sure, since you're family history is so bad and you have already had a stent seven years ago."
My family history is bad, since my father had a heart attack and my mother had a transplant. He had a point there.
The next day I saw my endochrinologist (in real English, my diabetes doc.) "Cliff," she said, "You need to go see a cardiologist."
Enough is enough. I knew the problem wasn't my heart, but better safe than sorry. So day before yesterday I had a stress test.
And I really, really should have studied harder.
I found out the score in an early morning call yesterday. "Mr. Hursey, that pain isn't indigestion. It's your heart."
My heart. My great big heart that is so filled with love for so many people, that wants so badly to shine with Christ's image. 70% blockage on the left side, at least, maybe more.
So, Monday I'll go in for a cardiac cath and I'm sure (I hope) an angioplasty and a stent. Or two. Or more.
In the midst of this we have sold our house and are closing on the new one on Friday. I won't be packing any further, I'll have to leave that to my wife. As far as unpacking, I've had a good handful of friends insist on helping. God bless 'em every one.
If it's in the plan, I'll be posting again within the next two weeks. If I become permanently unavailable, I'll leave instructions so a friend can make an entry here.
I hate unfinished business.
However, my hope is to return quickly. I've yet to tell all my stories, I have whole lots left to say, and I want to tell 'em all and say it all before we put the period at the end.
I may not post again until all this is over, but I will try to read the messages.
Thanks for listening.
Cliff
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. --Sir Winston Churchill
