"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
Walt Whitman (1819-92)
"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."
Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)
And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
aside Function: noun
1 : an utterance meant to be inaudible to someone; especially : an actor's speech heard by the audience but supposedly not by other characters
2 : a straying from the theme : DIGRESSION
3 : this
While the rollercoaster is paused for a bit, I wanted to offer a little bit of commentary on the past few posts and the next ones that are upcoming.
First of all, I think an answer to "why" is in order.
One of my primary reasons for this blog has been to scribe a record of what I thought the important parts of my life are. I made a promise to myself at the very beginning that I would record everything, not a whitewashed version, but a record that reflected the joys of my life and also the gritty grimy bad parts for what they were.
Second, last night a friend said to me that I am now the exact polar opposite of what I was 25 years ago. That's true. This blog is going to describe the path I took that brought that about, and brought me to a place that, at least to me, is so much better and more fulfilling than it was before.
A small warning as to the "how" is going to be in order too. Some of the upcoming stuff is going to require me to describe the occasional "adult situation." As always, I will strive to keep what you read here as clean as possible. However, some of it is going to have to be at least alluded to. I apologise in advance if anything offends, but I don't think it will.
In other words, I've always felt that intimate moments were private moments, which is why I have skated around them with only the barest mentions in the narrative up to now. If I describe any that embarrass you, rest assured that it embarrassed me to post it as well.
So far, if you've been reading, you've seen my fall from grace, starting as the guitarist for a Christian group, and ending as a carnal honky tonk act concerned usually with nothing more than his next conquest.
It gets worse.
There's violence. Betrayal. Infidelity. Critical injuries. Even death.
But eventually, good wins out, and the darkness turns to light. God is faithful that way, after all, even with thickskulled dunderheads like me.
Hang on. The rollercoaster is starting up again soon.
An autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying, since any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.