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Not the Same
33 Things To Do Before You're 10
Overheard on TV
The Poor and the Lucky
Take This...
Rear Window
Eyes Wide Shut

Click to go to the most current Cliff Between the Lines
Life, viewed sideways. Emotions, amplified. Answers, questioned. Me, between the lines.

- A Wounded Heart, Who Can Bear?
- Drowning Under a Tidal Wave
- Clawing My Way to the Sunlight
- Yes, Santa Claus, There Is a Virginia
- Fugu
- Touching the Spirit
- A Hole in the Universe
- Riding on the Dreams of Others
- Turning Into a Shark
 - A Heart, Ripped Asunder
- Surrendering to the Roller Coaster
- Hunting in the Jade Forest
- Dodging the Shark
- Dancing With Invisible Partners
- The Captain and the Harliquin
- Courting the Devils
- The Captain Makes His Mark
- Mad Dog to the Rescue
- Innocent in the Big City
- Dropping the Ball Briefcase
- Scrambling Brains
- Cheating the Reaper, Again
- What If the Man Behind the Curtain Is No Wizard After All?
- All of Us Have a Soundtrack
- Working With Broken Machines
- Happy Anniversary, Baby
- Standing on Stars
- Running the Film Backwards
- Identity Crisis ("Who am I?")
- Can We Ever Really Admit the Desires of Our Heart?
- Forgiveness is a Rare Thing
- Having Your Heart Caressed By the Creator
- Working With Broken Machines
- A New Leg to Stand On
- The Real Spirit of Christmas
- Chatting With Infinity
- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
- We All Have a Great Capacity for Loss
- Brushed Lightly By Might Have Beens
- We See the World Through Our Own Looking Glass
- Every Storm Passes Eventually
- Accidents Can Introduce Destiny Into Our Lives
- Freedom Depends on the Walls Around Us
- Pulling Aside the Velvet Curtain
- Riding the Razor's Edge
- Dying With Strangers
- In Your Face
- Between the Lines
- The Bobcat
- Angel With a Coffeecup
- Innocent in the Big City
- Chains of Gossamer
- Playing With Knives
- Stumbling Through Memories (Ooops)
- Picture This
- Running the Film Backwards
- Playing the Score, Tasting the Music
- Coins and Corals and Carved Coconuts
- My God, I Confess
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 1, Speechless)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 2, Taxi)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 3, The Pan American)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 4, Guano)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 5, The Andes Express)

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More About Cliff Hursey

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"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."

Walt Whitman (1819-92)

"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."

Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)

And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:

The WeatherPixie

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Function: noun
1 a : an event or conjunction of events that causes an unfortunate or distressing result : bad luck
2 : things that have been happening to me

She rubbed the goop all over me and played slip and slide up and down my recently oddly expanding belly.

Oh wait, that line comes later. First things first.

I mentioned the esophagus spasm problem I have been having. Well, there's more now.

If I was a horse, they would have shot me for glue and dog food long ago. But I'm not, so we get to keep throwing expensive pills and machines at me. Having your body decide to start breaking down is so much fun, believe me.

Anyway, I finally got to see a GI doc. For those of you who are medically challenged, that means "gastro-intestinal." In other words, a doc that specializes in all the swallowy and, well, poopy parts. All of my problems, so far, are centered in ther swallowy parts. Thank God.

He gave me a quick exam and said he wanted to do an endoscopy and an ultrasound. Ultrasound is nothing; essentially they they plop some goopy gel on your gut and tell you to hold your breath, breathe, etc. while they run a magical wand over you that sees the insides. Piece of cake.

Now, the endoscopy, that's gonna be a little more unpleasant. That's when they run a TV crew down your throat and have a look see. The earliest date for that was October, so I went ahead and scheduled it. Ultrasound I could get quicker, and I had it done last Wednesday.

She rubbed the goop all over me and played slip and slide up and down my recently oddly expanding belly. (Yeah, you have to admit that line makes a LOT more sense here!)

I told her if she could find a baby we'd both be filthy rich. Believe me, she looked.

Then she started concentrating on one area, a lot.

"What's in that spot?" I asked.

"Right there? That's your gall bladder. Does that hurt?"

I had to admit that it was, indeed, uncomfortable. She went over and over it.

"Is, um, does it not look right?" I asked.

"I'm not allowed to tell you," she said.

Now, you have probably noticed, as I have, that statements like that only happen when the answer is something like "it looks like a chunk of rotten Swiss cheese." When everything is OK they are usually fine with saying so.

She didn't tell me that everything was OK.

Last Friday, the GI doc calls me. Something is wrong on my ultrasound.

And it's not gall bladder.

Apparently, I have an enlarged liver. Now, this is a symptom, not a disease in itself. And none of the reasons for it are petty. Some of them, actually the majority of them, can be quite fatal.

So he sets me up for a cat scan. On Monday, the next business day, not months in the future. They also reschedule the endoscopy for next week instead of October. Nobody's playing now.

That night I made the mistake of looking up "enlarged liver" on the internet. Bad, bad move. I began to feel, well, afraid. And tired, more tired than you can imagine. How many "something else's" can there possibly be? I mean, how far until I reach the "everything is broken" point?

Tomorrow maybe I will get the results of the cat scan. What keeps bothering me is that the docs keep finding the "what" and not the "why" with me. If we could ever find the "why" then maybe we could fix me. If not...well, we won't go there. It's bad enough with just me on that train.

So here I sit. I have to take a slug from a bottle of Lidocaine and antispasm stuff every so often to keep my throat from making me feel like I'm having a major coronary. Bending over sets it off. Picking stuff up sets it off. Walking in the heat sets it off, and it's been in the upper 90's. Then when I take the med, it paralyzes my esophagus, which helps, but I can't lay down or everything in my stomach tries to explore the path it took to get in there in the first place.

Oh, and did I mention we had to sell the house? Yeah, seeing as how it's impossible for me to work at the moment, there wasn't enough money. Our daughter bought the house to use as a fixer-upper or a rental, so we can at least stay for a bit until we find another place.

My mood disorder isn't making things easier, of course.

The bright side is, we think we might have found a really good house that we can afford. More on that as it progresses.

My friends have been wonderful through this. So many have volunteered to help. I'm quite honored, and humbled. Until tomorrow, fingers crossed...

As long as you can savor the humorous aspect of misery and misfortune, you can overcome anything.
--John Candy, "Laughing on the Inside" (John Candy's Biography)

Permalink: 8/17/2005 11:51:00 PM |
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