"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
Walt Whitman (1819-92)
"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."
Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)
And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:
Thursday, April 10, 2003
Life is a row of Dominos
con-se-quence Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1 : a conclusion derived through logic : INFERENCE
2 : something produced by a cause or necessarily following from a set of conditions
3 : a calculated response to a wrong conclusion, like at my job
When I got out of the hospital, actually even before I got out, I was very open with my coworkers and my company about the fact that I had bipolar disorder. I tried to make clear to them that this was a chemical problem that was corrected by the meds I was taking, although I would probably have to have them adjusted a few times along the way. I explained that my off the wall behavior over the last six months had been beyond my control and should never happen again now that I was on the proper medications to make my moods more stable for life.
For some reason, I thought that would be easy to understand.
Over the past two months, I have made a concentrated effort to mend the working relationship with those that I had upset over my last (hopefully last ever!) severe mania episode and the wild cycles that followed it. I have seen the relationships grow from standoffishness to friendship, or at least a good working relationship. I thought.
I thought I had pulled it off, I thought I was "there." I'm not.
Last week, a creditor of our company garnished our bank account for over a quarter of a million dollars. Needless to say we are overdrawn by over a quarter of a million dollars. The eventual solution, arrived at by the upper management after almost a week's worth of undivided effort, was to open another account under a subsidiary company at the same bank. All well and good, except that yesterday when they did this I was not made a signatory on the account.
Imagine that, the Controller of the company not a signatory on the checking account! Oversight? Intentional? Hard to tell, but some decision must have been made on the matter. And I came up short.
Obviously someone that was involved in the transaction felt threatened by me, and all three of them could have qualified. The attorney that was a part of it had been the CEO, but I was instrumental in his being removed from the position. The VP was one of his best friends (and still is), and the plant manager was one of his drinking buddies, something the former CEO does a great deal of. And there's no telling how they really think of my "condition" or what has been said or encouraged by conversations I have not known about.
Consequences. I hate office politics. Now I'll have to go through all kinds of rigamarole to get access to the information I need to perform my duties. How idiotic. They tell me its temporary, we'll see. Whatever happens, I'm the only one that has to jump through any hoops on it since I'm the guy that keeps the records, prints the checks, balances the books, you get the idea. Not that I want to sign the checks too, but its the access to the information that's going to cause a problem.
What a useless mess. I'm very disappointed in people sometimes.
