"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
Walt Whitman (1819-92)
"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."
Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)
And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:
Monday, May 10, 2004
Cooker
pres-sure Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Late Latin pressura, from Latin, action of pressing, pressure, from pressus, past participle of premere
1 a : the burden of physical or mental distress b : the constraint of circumstance : the weight of social or economic imposition
2 : the application of force to something by something else in direct contact with it : COMPRESSION
3 : What's building here, day by day by day
I told my therapist about this blog today.
Sheesh, I sound like I'm from New York, talking about my therapist, but I got one. He's a good one too. And this blog surprised him, I think in a pleasant way.
I think he called it "participant validation." Or something like that. Whatever it was, I'll bet it wouldn't generate a single hit on Google.
So, now that we've checked my oil and brake fluid, here's the verdict.
1. I am under tremendous stress on about every front in my life right now. On that, we agree. This is pressure cooker city.
2. I am handling it very well, even not taking into account the fact that I have a mental illness.
Well, I can see why, I told him. I fought my mental illness undiagnosed for thirty five years, and now that it's getting the right meds, I have all these mental resources I can draw on.
Funny that, how things that seem horrible at the time can make us stronger. But they do.
Every time I tell people what has happened at work, the history of the last few years there, they stare at me in disbelief. The inaction of the key players, the ones with the most to lose, is incomprehensible. Some of these people may go to jail. Not because they were corrupt, just because they either didn't do their job or didn't know how and wouldn't admit it or were just plain lazy.
I'm not one of them, by the way.
Sometimes I feel like the only person with sight in a room full of blind men who refuse to admit they are blind. And sometimes, I know that this is the case.
I've been with this company since it was a mud hole with a porta potty in the middle of it. I designed the logo. I've written every newsletter, every webpage. I've designed the accounting system and entered the vast part of the data. I designed and coded most of the software we use, and built the network.
I hate to see the old girl brought to her knees. I got a lot invested here.
What a shame.
What a shame.
And the pressure goes up another ten degrees.
When will it blow?
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
Jane Wagner, (and Lily Tomlin)
