"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
Walt Whitman (1819-92)
"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."
Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)
And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Signs, Part 3
Here's a third installment of signs that mangle or misrepresent the English language. Enjoy.
In a hotel lobby in Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
Hotel elevator in Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Othodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETARY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Austrian Ski Lodge:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
Polish menu:
SALAD A FIRMS OWN MAKE; LIMPED RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.
Supermarket, Hong Kong
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
From the Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
Viennese hotel notice:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
The box of a toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY: NO ICE CREAM.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM ALL DIRECTIONS.
And last, on the door of a Moscow hotel room:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
I hope you enjoyed all of these as much as I did. Besides, the next few posts will be on a far more serious note, and these are a good counterpoint.
Spreading the News Jack W. Pacheco, 35, of Chowchilla, Calif., was upset when his small-town newspaper reported he had been arrested on drug charges. He insists the drugs weren’t his, but when the newspaper wouldn’t pull the story he tried to buy every one of the 700 copies of The Chowchilla News that were printed, and estimates he got as many as 600 of them. “I have a whole garage full of newspapers,” he says. There were only three things wrong with his plan: first, the paper also prints 550 copies for subscribers, which weren’t intercepted; second, after Pacheco bought up the remaining newsstand copies the newspaper had 500 more printed, and third, Pacheco’s tactic was reported on by other area papers — and the report was picked up and spread internationally by newswire services. (Merced Sun-Star) ...“Never pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel.” —attributed to Mark Twain (1835–1910), American writer and social commentator. Available in This is True: Book Collection Vol. 11
