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Click to go to the most current Cliff Between the Lines
Life, viewed sideways. Emotions, amplified. Answers, questioned. Me, between the lines.

- A Wounded Heart, Who Can Bear?
- Drowning Under a Tidal Wave
- Clawing My Way to the Sunlight
- Yes, Santa Claus, There Is a Virginia
- Fugu
- Touching the Spirit
- A Hole in the Universe
- Riding on the Dreams of Others
- Turning Into a Shark
 - A Heart, Ripped Asunder
- Surrendering to the Roller Coaster
- Hunting in the Jade Forest
- Dodging the Shark
- Dancing With Invisible Partners
- The Captain and the Harliquin
- Courting the Devils
- The Captain Makes His Mark
- Mad Dog to the Rescue
- Innocent in the Big City
- Dropping the Ball Briefcase
- Scrambling Brains
- Cheating the Reaper, Again
- What If the Man Behind the Curtain Is No Wizard After All?
- All of Us Have a Soundtrack
- Working With Broken Machines
- Happy Anniversary, Baby
- Standing on Stars
- Running the Film Backwards
- Identity Crisis ("Who am I?")
- Can We Ever Really Admit the Desires of Our Heart?
- Forgiveness is a Rare Thing
- Having Your Heart Caressed By the Creator
- Working With Broken Machines
- A New Leg to Stand On
- The Real Spirit of Christmas
- Chatting With Infinity
- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
- We All Have a Great Capacity for Loss
- Brushed Lightly By Might Have Beens
- We See the World Through Our Own Looking Glass
- Every Storm Passes Eventually
- Accidents Can Introduce Destiny Into Our Lives
- Freedom Depends on the Walls Around Us
- Pulling Aside the Velvet Curtain
- Riding the Razor's Edge
- Dying With Strangers
- In Your Face
- Between the Lines
- The Bobcat
- Angel With a Coffeecup
- Innocent in the Big City
- Chains of Gossamer
- Playing With Knives
- Stumbling Through Memories (Ooops)
- Picture This
- Running the Film Backwards
- Playing the Score, Tasting the Music
- Coins and Corals and Carved Coconuts
- My God, I Confess
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 1, Speechless)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 2, Taxi)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 3, The Pan American)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 4, Guano)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 5, The Andes Express)

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More About Cliff Hursey

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"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."

Walt Whitman (1819-92)

"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."

Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)

And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:

The WeatherPixie

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Human on the Inside

Function: adjective
1 : having a sharply uneven edge or surface
2 : having a harsh, rough, or irregular quality
3 : all of my edges, now

I feel like there's a wound up spring made of razor blades inside of me, and whatever happens I'm not going to enjoy it.

Today was supposed to be "the" day, the day that checks were cut to save our company, the day that my only personal hope in all of the last year and a half's worth of turmoil was going to get all the funding he could ever want.

As of right now, "funds are being dispursed" and I won't know anything else till tomorrow.

I train my eyes on the Interstate ahead, not driving too fast but wanting the music to just blare my thoughts away. I put a CD by the Divinyls in and crank it.


The rhythym on this song is huge, and I'm thankful I installed new speakers a month or so ago. I've got it so loud it hurts, and its just what I want.

The song is "Good Die Young" and Christina Amphlett's voice belts out the lyrics like no one else on earth could do.

Looking into your eyes WHAM your eyes WHAM
Are open WHAM are open wide WHAM
No ties WHAM no surprise WHAM in your eyes WHAM
Are open wide WHAM

I'm not soothed. I don't think I could be, right now. But the tension seems drowned out, just for a while. I cruise along, just sitting in the right lane and following a truck, trying to concentrate on the music and not to think at all.

I've had enough thinking lately.

The next song is their cover of the Pretender's song, Human on the Inside. Chrissy Hynde and the Pretenders did a fairly slick version of this one. Christina and the rest of the Divinyls seem to thrust the song forward, letting it remain as raw as sunburn.

See I bleed and I bruise oh, but what’s it to you
I’m only human on the inside
And though looks may deceive make it hard to believe
I’m only human on the inside
Well I crash and I burn maybe some day you’ll learn
I’m only human on the inside
I stumble, I fall baby under it all
I’m only human on the inside
On the inside

And the damage is done

There’s blood in these veins and I cry when in pain
I’m only human on the inside
And though looks may decieve make it hard to believe
I’m only human on the inside

For the last two years now, my life has been like a giant rubber band being pulled tighter and tighter and tighter. I've hung in there through huge events at my job, through physical illness, through diagnosis and treatment of a mental illness, through a serious car accident, through upheavals in every single area of my life.

I feel like it's about to pop.

And I don't think that's a good thing, no not at all a good thing.

C'mon Cliff, hang on a few more days. Just a few more days.

Why does the last bit of a race have to be so hard?


When griping grief the heart doth wound,
and doleful dumps the mind opresses,
then music, with her silver sound,
with speedy help doth lend redress.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

Permalink: 5/25/2004 05:03:00 PM |
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