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A Nervous Boil dis-qui-et Function: transitiv...
The Real Spirit of Christmas
A Heart Ripped Asunder
The Captain Makes His Mark
Courting the Devils
The Captain and the Harliquin
Dancing with Invisible Partners
Hunting in the Jade Forest
Surrendering to the Roller Coaster

Click to go to the most current Cliff Between the Lines
Life, viewed sideways. Emotions, amplified. Answers, questioned. Me, between the lines.

- A Wounded Heart, Who Can Bear?
- Drowning Under a Tidal Wave
- Clawing My Way to the Sunlight
- Yes, Santa Claus, There Is a Virginia
- Fugu
- Touching the Spirit
- A Hole in the Universe
- Riding on the Dreams of Others
- Turning Into a Shark
 - A Heart, Ripped Asunder
- Surrendering to the Roller Coaster
- Hunting in the Jade Forest
- Dodging the Shark
- Dancing With Invisible Partners
- The Captain and the Harliquin
- Courting the Devils
- The Captain Makes His Mark
- Mad Dog to the Rescue
- Innocent in the Big City
- Dropping the Ball Briefcase
- Scrambling Brains
- Cheating the Reaper, Again
- What If the Man Behind the Curtain Is No Wizard After All?
- All of Us Have a Soundtrack
- Working With Broken Machines
- Happy Anniversary, Baby
- Standing on Stars
- Running the Film Backwards
- Identity Crisis ("Who am I?")
- Can We Ever Really Admit the Desires of Our Heart?
- Forgiveness is a Rare Thing
- Having Your Heart Caressed By the Creator
- Working With Broken Machines
- A New Leg to Stand On
- The Real Spirit of Christmas
- Chatting With Infinity
- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
- We All Have a Great Capacity for Loss
- Brushed Lightly By Might Have Beens
- We See the World Through Our Own Looking Glass
- Every Storm Passes Eventually
- Accidents Can Introduce Destiny Into Our Lives
- Freedom Depends on the Walls Around Us
- Pulling Aside the Velvet Curtain
- Riding the Razor's Edge
- Dying With Strangers
- In Your Face
- Between the Lines
- The Bobcat
- Angel With a Coffeecup
- Innocent in the Big City
- Chains of Gossamer
- Playing With Knives
- Stumbling Through Memories (Ooops)
- Picture This
- Running the Film Backwards
- Playing the Score, Tasting the Music
- Coins and Corals and Carved Coconuts
- My God, I Confess
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 1, Speechless)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 2, Taxi)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 3, The Pan American)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 4, Guano)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 5, The Andes Express)

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"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."

Walt Whitman (1819-92)

"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."

Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)

And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:

The WeatherPixie

Sunday, December 28, 2003

Entering the Frost

Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English ceald, cald; akin to Old High German kalt cold, Latin gelu frost, gelare to freeze
Date: before 12th century
1 a : having or being a temperature that is uncomfortably low for humans b : having a relatively low temperature or one lower than normal or expected c : not heated: as (1) of food : served without heating especially after initial cooking or processing (2) : served chilled or with ice (3) : involving processing without the use of heat
2 a : marked by a lack of the warmth of normal human emotion, friendliness, or compassion ; also : not moved to enthusiasm b : not colored or affected by personal feeling or bias :
3 : what I feel in my heart sometimes when winter is outside

We are now entering the darkest days of the year, and this time I plan to survive them.

Last year, I almost didn't. As I stand here now and look back, I find myself glad that I did make it through, that I somehow have this second chance to make my life work when it has been running on bad fuel for so long.

Right now, we are in that phase of winter between Christmas and New Years, when the world around us is not quite sure what season it is in. Although Christmas is over, decorations are still up and lit, our Christmas tree is still up and decorated, and there are even some unopened presents waiting to be claimed later this week.

Ahead, there is the bleakness of January, with its long frigid nights and gelid, misty dawns. January, with its early sunsets and ice storms. January, with its overwhelming emptiness.

And then on the other side, February. The only bright spark there is Valentines day. But at least it's a spark.

Hey, in the middle of this glacialness, I'll take any spark I can get.

But this year, even the vast emptiness of winter will be a victory for me. I've made it. I've beat the odds.

I survived.

So what if I feel cold and lifeless inside. I'm walking, I'm breathing, and tomorrow will eventually be warmer and the ice will eventually melt.

And there I will stand, whole.

And there is a great deal to be said for that, isn't there?

It's so easy to forget that all of the struggles in our lives are followed by times of peace. We are prone to think that it is winter and will always be winter. But every January has a May, at least so far.

Time is seldom a line. It is usually a circle. And we come around and go from up to down to up, from good to bad to good. It is our nature, I think, to try to achieve balance. When we get too far in one direction, we necessarily flow towards the center. When it's summer inside, that's a curse. But when it's winter inside, it's a blessing.

The honeymoon capitol of North America is Niagara Falls.

The suicide capitol of North America is also Niagara Falls.

So I will remember, this winter, that wintertime passes and sunshine and warmth return, both outside and inside in my heart.

I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure in the landscape—the loneliness of it—the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it—the whole story doesn’t show.
Andrew Wyeth

Permalink: 12/28/2003 11:42:00 PM |
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