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Grasping for Air in-no-cence Function: noun ...
No definition or quote this time, just my Blogger ...
Chains of Gossamer
Dodging the Shark
Mad Dog to the Rescue
The Light Always spir-i-tual Function: noun E...
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Happy Anniversary, Baby
Innocent in the Big City
Angel with a Coffeecup

Click to go to the most current Cliff Between the Lines
Life, viewed sideways. Emotions, amplified. Answers, questioned. Me, between the lines.




- A Wounded Heart, Who Can Bear?
- Drowning Under a Tidal Wave
- Clawing My Way to the Sunlight
- Yes, Santa Claus, There Is a Virginia
- Fugu
- Touching the Spirit
- A Hole in the Universe
- Riding on the Dreams of Others
- Turning Into a Shark
 - A Heart, Ripped Asunder
- Surrendering to the Roller Coaster
- Hunting in the Jade Forest
- Dodging the Shark
- Dancing With Invisible Partners
- The Captain and the Harliquin
- Courting the Devils
- The Captain Makes His Mark
- Mad Dog to the Rescue
- Innocent in the Big City
- Dropping the Ball Briefcase
- Scrambling Brains
- Cheating the Reaper, Again
- What If the Man Behind the Curtain Is No Wizard After All?
- All of Us Have a Soundtrack
- Working With Broken Machines
- Happy Anniversary, Baby
- Standing on Stars
- Running the Film Backwards
- Identity Crisis ("Who am I?")
- Can We Ever Really Admit the Desires of Our Heart?
- Forgiveness is a Rare Thing
- Having Your Heart Caressed By the Creator
- Working With Broken Machines
- A New Leg to Stand On
- The Real Spirit of Christmas
- Chatting With Infinity
- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
- We All Have a Great Capacity for Loss
- Brushed Lightly By Might Have Beens
- We See the World Through Our Own Looking Glass
- Every Storm Passes Eventually
- Accidents Can Introduce Destiny Into Our Lives
- Freedom Depends on the Walls Around Us
- Pulling Aside the Velvet Curtain
- Riding the Razor's Edge
- Dying With Strangers
- In Your Face
- Between the Lines
- The Bobcat
- Angel With a Coffeecup
- Innocent in the Big City
- Chains of Gossamer
- Playing With Knives
- Stumbling Through Memories (Ooops)
- Picture This
- Running the Film Backwards
- Playing the Score, Tasting the Music
- Coins and Corals and Carved Coconuts
- My God, I Confess
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 1, Speechless)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 2, Taxi)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 3, The Pan American)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 4, Guano)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 5, The Andes Express)



 
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"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."

Walt Whitman (1819-92)




"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."

Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)











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Thursday, January 29, 2004
 

Targeting Desire

di-rec-tion
Function: noun
1 : guidance or supervision of action or conduct : MANAGEMENT
2 : the line or course on which something is moving or is aimed to move or along which something is pointing or facing
3 : Something I don't seem to have right now

"Why are you here?!?" she shrieked in a piercing tone that made all the fat ladies flinch.

I was sitting in my usual seat in the back row of my weekly Weight Watchers meeting, except that due to the snow earlier this week this was a different crowd, a different night, and a different group leader. This group leader had a habit/trait/style that involved some sort of shreiked statement every minute or so.

Yeah, so I'm overweight. Actually, according to my palmtop body mass index, I'm very obese. Could be worse, at least it is not morbidly obese. I showed that to a coworker a couple of months ago and she said that no I wasn't, and I thanked her for her graciousness.

Hey, I know how to read a mirror.

So, over the years I tried all kinds of things. Low fat, Adkins, South Beach, you name it. Sure I could lose weight. Problem was keeping it off. the only time I was successful at that was during an extended manic in 2002 when my body was running at warp speed for months. That is not a recommended diet plan!

"Why are you here?!?" she shrieked again. Pain shot up from my ears.

One brave lady near the front ventures an answer, hesitantly, "Um...to...lose weight?"

When they put me on meds for bipolar last year, the first thing that happened was that my body tucked on about 40 lbs, maybe more. I tried everything I could think of to get rid of the weight, and nothing worked.

One day I realized that I had lost the impetus to lose weight at all. So I joined Weight Watchers for the accountability.

"Well, of course you're here to lose weight," the group leader shrilled, "but why do you want to lose weight?"

Nobody had ever asked me that question before.

I mean, of course there are the standard answers. I will be more healthy. I will feel better. I will look better.

But none of these ring true in my head for a reason why, a goal to be pursued. Frankly, when it boils down to it, I could care less about being healthy, feeling better, or looking better. It's just not on my radar.

So what the heck am I doing at Weight Watchers then?

Logically, I know those reasons for losing weight are good ones. So I will show up at Weight Watchers each and every week for my weigh in, and that small bit of accountability will run this whole train.

Amazing.


It matters not what goal you seek
Its secret here reposes:
You've got to dig from week to week
To get Results or Roses.
Edgar Guest


Permalink: 1/29/2004 10:17:00 PM |
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