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The Eleventh Commandment
Mind If I Rage?
Why I Do
Days of Thunder, Nights of Just Plain Wierd

Click to go to the most current Cliff Between the Lines
Life, viewed sideways. Emotions, amplified. Answers, questioned. Me, between the lines.

- A Wounded Heart, Who Can Bear?
- Drowning Under a Tidal Wave
- Clawing My Way to the Sunlight
- Yes, Santa Claus, There Is a Virginia
- Fugu
- Touching the Spirit
- A Hole in the Universe
- Riding on the Dreams of Others
- Turning Into a Shark
 - A Heart, Ripped Asunder
- Surrendering to the Roller Coaster
- Hunting in the Jade Forest
- Dodging the Shark
- Dancing With Invisible Partners
- The Captain and the Harliquin
- Courting the Devils
- The Captain Makes His Mark
- Mad Dog to the Rescue
- Innocent in the Big City
- Dropping the Ball Briefcase
- Scrambling Brains
- Cheating the Reaper, Again
- What If the Man Behind the Curtain Is No Wizard After All?
- All of Us Have a Soundtrack
- Working With Broken Machines
- Happy Anniversary, Baby
- Standing on Stars
- Running the Film Backwards
- Identity Crisis ("Who am I?")
- Can We Ever Really Admit the Desires of Our Heart?
- Forgiveness is a Rare Thing
- Having Your Heart Caressed By the Creator
- Working With Broken Machines
- A New Leg to Stand On
- The Real Spirit of Christmas
- Chatting With Infinity
- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
- We All Have a Great Capacity for Loss
- Brushed Lightly By Might Have Beens
- We See the World Through Our Own Looking Glass
- Every Storm Passes Eventually
- Accidents Can Introduce Destiny Into Our Lives
- Freedom Depends on the Walls Around Us
- Pulling Aside the Velvet Curtain
- Riding the Razor's Edge
- Dying With Strangers
- In Your Face
- Between the Lines
- The Bobcat
- Angel With a Coffeecup
- Innocent in the Big City
- Chains of Gossamer
- Playing With Knives
- Stumbling Through Memories (Ooops)
- Picture This
- Running the Film Backwards
- Playing the Score, Tasting the Music
- Coins and Corals and Carved Coconuts
- My God, I Confess
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 1, Speechless)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 2, Taxi)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 3, The Pan American)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 4, Guano)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 5, The Andes Express)

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"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."

Walt Whitman (1819-92)

"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."

Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)

And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:

The WeatherPixie

Friday, May 14, 2004


Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English
1 a : to walk unsteadily : STUMBLE b : to give way : TOTTER p[could feel my legs faltering] c : to move waveringly or hesitatingly
2 : to speak brokenly or weakly : STAMMER
3 a : to hesitate in purpose or action : WAVER b : to lose drive or effectiveness [the business was faltering]
4 : what my company is doing; what I am doing

It seems like the world is a tornado and I am in the center of it.

Things at works are even worse. There was no payroll this week. There is only one solitary dollar in the cash drawer. Something has to give.

I'm really beginning to wonder if that something is me.

Over the last year this job has become absolutely a nightmare for me. When it boils down to it I detest the people,or at least the top two I have to deal with on a daily basis. I hate going to work, I dread Mondays.

I don't want to do this. I so don't want to do this.

On the other hand, if I bail, there's no unemployment and no job insurance. No, in order for those things to kick in, the company has to finally and irrevokably shut the doors, or at least terminate my position for "lack of work."

Not to mention that I have 12 years in the thing. I remember when I was proud of it. I remember being excited about working here.

And it could be that way again. There was and is no reason for this company to have failed so miserably. Idiots at the wheel, and lives will be ruined as a result.

I've been hanging on hoping for a rescue, and it sounds so close. Supposedly it will happen next Tuesday. But there have been so many dates, so many promises.

Inside, I falter.

I can feel my mental legs shaking, the fear of taking a step into the blind darkness gripping me.

How did I ever get to this place? How did this happen?

And because of what I do and the fact that nobody else at my company can even come close to doing it, every single bit of information they need, I am the sole supply.

So, the tornado spins, me in the center.

I don't know how to ride this thing. I don't belong here. I didn't make this mess. I tried to stop it and no one would listen.

I'm faltering in a cloud of idiots and fools and carnality.

I can't breathe in here. Where is the door, where is the window?

I think, this is what I am going to do. I'll wait till Tuesday and see what happens. If the money moves then I will wait and see how it shakes out. If not, I will ask the Chairman of the company to lay me off formally, and I will go look for another, less turbulent, seat.

Now, just have to hang on till Tuesday.

Deep breath.

Deep breath.

No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be. . ..
Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)

Permalink: 5/14/2004 09:07:00 PM |
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