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And at Walmart, 15 Feet From the Toy Aisle...
Welcome Home, Bub.
Gruesome Fact of the Day
There's Still Life in the Old Dog Yet
Back to the Old Home Place
Tastes Like Chicken
Evil Heart

Click to go to the most current Cliff Between the Lines
Life, viewed sideways. Emotions, amplified. Answers, questioned. Me, between the lines.

- A Wounded Heart, Who Can Bear?
- Drowning Under a Tidal Wave
- Clawing My Way to the Sunlight
- Yes, Santa Claus, There Is a Virginia
- Fugu
- Touching the Spirit
- A Hole in the Universe
- Riding on the Dreams of Others
- Turning Into a Shark
 - A Heart, Ripped Asunder
- Surrendering to the Roller Coaster
- Hunting in the Jade Forest
- Dodging the Shark
- Dancing With Invisible Partners
- The Captain and the Harliquin
- Courting the Devils
- The Captain Makes His Mark
- Mad Dog to the Rescue
- Innocent in the Big City
- Dropping the Ball Briefcase
- Scrambling Brains
- Cheating the Reaper, Again
- What If the Man Behind the Curtain Is No Wizard After All?
- All of Us Have a Soundtrack
- Working With Broken Machines
- Happy Anniversary, Baby
- Standing on Stars
- Running the Film Backwards
- Identity Crisis ("Who am I?")
- Can We Ever Really Admit the Desires of Our Heart?
- Forgiveness is a Rare Thing
- Having Your Heart Caressed By the Creator
- Working With Broken Machines
- A New Leg to Stand On
- The Real Spirit of Christmas
- Chatting With Infinity
- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
- We All Have a Great Capacity for Loss
- Brushed Lightly By Might Have Beens
- We See the World Through Our Own Looking Glass
- Every Storm Passes Eventually
- Accidents Can Introduce Destiny Into Our Lives
- Freedom Depends on the Walls Around Us
- Pulling Aside the Velvet Curtain
- Riding the Razor's Edge
- Dying With Strangers
- In Your Face
- Between the Lines
- The Bobcat
- Angel With a Coffeecup
- Innocent in the Big City
- Chains of Gossamer
- Playing With Knives
- Stumbling Through Memories (Ooops)
- Picture This
- Running the Film Backwards
- Playing the Score, Tasting the Music
- Coins and Corals and Carved Coconuts
- My God, I Confess
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 1, Speechless)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 2, Taxi)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 3, The Pan American)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 4, Guano)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 5, The Andes Express)

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More About Cliff Hursey

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"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."

Walt Whitman (1819-92)

"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."

Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)

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The WeatherPixie

Tuesday, May 31, 2005


Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English faute, from Middle French, from (assumed) Vulgar Latin fallita, from feminine of fallitus, past participle of Latin fallere to deceive, disappoint
1 a : WEAKNESS, FAILING; especially : a moral weakness less serious than a vice b : a physical or intellectual imperfection or impairment : DEFECT c : an error especially in service in a net or racket game
2 : a fracture in the crust of a planet
3 : not mine.

I wanted this entry to be about the time when my wife and I met, which is a good story.

But my last 30 or so hours were so far from a good story, and so unexpected, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I've had my own personal earthquake, and I'm still not sure if I survived or not.

In short, out of the blue, my wife told me yesterday that our marriage was over. The reason? The house was too cluttered. Yes, you read that exactly right.

Talk about unexpected.

I've invested over 20 years in this marriage and the relationship. We never argue. I have always treated her well. It's not two months since I surprised her with flowers. There's guys out there who abuse their wives and they get to stay married.

And here I am, a victim of a too cluttered spare guest room and the occasional load of laundry.

Frankly, I don't think I'm at fault. And that's what hurts.

The real problem here is far different. It's all about her and her pride and her refusal to get help when she needs it. She has been deteriorating for months since her hysterectomy both mentally and physically. She would not see a doctor, since she had concluded they would not know what was wrong with her. At least physically, since she would never admit the mood problems.

And add to this a very traumatic thing that happened about 15 years ago to her that really needed (and still desparately needs!) some intense therapy, and she refused it and carries the disfunction to this day.

Through it all, I've hung in there. The vow says "for better or for worse" and that's what the coach called me in to play.

When I pointed that out to her, her response was that "some vows need to be broken."

Many cruel and mean things were said. All by her. All atom bombs. And all meant to be.

I was a hair's breath from having to go back to the hospital during all of this, since as could be expected I had blown through all my meds.

Net result was that I got her to agree to go see a therapist. We'll see where it all goes.

That is, if I survive the trip.

In the last four years, I've lost my health, my job, and now may lose my family. I deserved not one iota of this. And I'm out of things to lose.

The name of Job comes to mind.

I am staggered. I keep thinking I will awaken from this. And I keep thinking that if this is the waking day, do I want to live in it? What steps are ahead from here?

A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
--Dave Meurer, "Daze of Our Wives"

Permalink: 5/31/2005 01:24:00 AM |
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