"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
Walt Whitman (1819-92)
"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."
Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)
And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:
Thursday, February 09, 2006
de-liv-er-er Function: noun Etymology: Middle English, from Old French delivrer, from Late Latin deliberare, from Latin de- + liberare to liberate 1 : one who sets free 2 : a hat I was handed yesterday
It was early in the morning, I imagine, but things had been leading to this day and this hour for three years.
Three years of unrelenting anguish.
She had watched her life crumble under the weight of the chaos surrounding her, and eventually, like the snow under an avalanch, she began to crumble right along with it. There was nothing she could do, you see. Her brain chemicals were mixed all wrong and she was helpless in the maelstrom.
She had lost her job, her marriage, and now her children. She had no friends, and no one would believe how bad it was for her, no one would take her seriously. So yesterday, she decided to end her life once and for all.
But first, she prayed.
On her knees, she pleaded with God for help. She said she was weak, and she could not stand any longer. She needed deliverance. But, the walls were silent. No sunlight poured through the windows.
She walked outside and got in her car, the only thing of value in the world she still owned. And she started driving.
And then she knew what she would do. She would kill herself. And there was no one there to stop her.
I think it was almost exactly that time when I had a sudden urge to call her, which I did. She wasn't at home, so I left a message.
Somehow, she got it. She called me back. And she told me what was happening.
I had her meet me immediately at a little restaurant, and we sat for hours while we downed cup after cup of coffee and she told me her story. My heart broke for her. I've been where she is, I think.
And I can't let her out of my sight, I think.
So, for the rest of the day, I take her along with me. I make sure she goes to a peer support group that evening as well. When we return, I can see in her eyes that the immediate crisis is past, the demons have quieted to a dull roar.
This evening, we met again. We began working out a "Wellness Recovery Action Plan", otherwise known as a "WRAP" plan. Working through this will help her achieve control over the illness that has held her captive for thirty years. And the same for me, as I work out my own WRAP plan.
Yeah, take that, brain chemicals. You belong to US now.
Tonight, we had already progressed far enough into the plan that she had some real ammunition, some real steps she can take to get real results. She is focusing on her own recovery, something she has never had the chance to do. And she's gonna make it. Maybe not overnight, but she will win this battle, and that monster will never eat her again like it did yesterday.
Tonight she got in her car to leave, and I was getting into mine, and I said "My gosh, look at your face!" She did, and I pointed out how her facial muscles had relaxed so much already that she looked like a new person. But really, this was a peek at the person that has been inside all along.
I think that the moments in our lives when God uses us, when it is so clearly obvious that we have been specially honed to perform one specific task, when we can stand and say "God has equipped me with everything I need for this" and reach out and help... Those are the moments we are created for.
He said not 'Thou shalt not be tempested, thou shalt not be travailed, thou shalt not be dis-eased'; but he said, 'Thou shalt not be overcome.'
Julian of Norwich, Revelations of Divine Love (1342 - 1416)