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Life, viewed sideways. Emotions, amplified. Answers, questioned. Me, between the lines.

- A Wounded Heart, Who Can Bear?
- Drowning Under a Tidal Wave
- Clawing My Way to the Sunlight
- Yes, Santa Claus, There Is a Virginia
- Fugu
- Touching the Spirit
- A Hole in the Universe
- Riding on the Dreams of Others
- Turning Into a Shark
 - A Heart, Ripped Asunder
- Surrendering to the Roller Coaster
- Hunting in the Jade Forest
- Dodging the Shark
- Dancing With Invisible Partners
- The Captain and the Harliquin
- Courting the Devils
- The Captain Makes His Mark
- Mad Dog to the Rescue
- Innocent in the Big City
- Dropping the Ball Briefcase
- Scrambling Brains
- Cheating the Reaper, Again
- What If the Man Behind the Curtain Is No Wizard After All?
- All of Us Have a Soundtrack
- Working With Broken Machines
- Happy Anniversary, Baby
- Standing on Stars
- Running the Film Backwards
- Identity Crisis ("Who am I?")
- Can We Ever Really Admit the Desires of Our Heart?
- Forgiveness is a Rare Thing
- Having Your Heart Caressed By the Creator
- Working With Broken Machines
- A New Leg to Stand On
- The Real Spirit of Christmas
- Chatting With Infinity
- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
- We All Have a Great Capacity for Loss
- Brushed Lightly By Might Have Beens
- We See the World Through Our Own Looking Glass
- Every Storm Passes Eventually
- Accidents Can Introduce Destiny Into Our Lives
- Freedom Depends on the Walls Around Us
- Pulling Aside the Velvet Curtain
- Riding the Razor's Edge
- Dying With Strangers
- In Your Face
- Between the Lines
- The Bobcat
- Angel With a Coffeecup
- Innocent in the Big City
- Chains of Gossamer
- Playing With Knives
- Stumbling Through Memories (Ooops)
- Picture This
- Running the Film Backwards
- Playing the Score, Tasting the Music
- Coins and Corals and Carved Coconuts
- My God, I Confess
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 1, Speechless)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 2, Taxi)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 3, The Pan American)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 4, Guano)
- Exotic in Thin Air (Part 5, The Andes Express)

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"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."

Walt Whitman (1819-92)

"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."

Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)

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Thursday, August 03, 2006

Turn Me Off

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English apoplexie, from Middle French & Late Latin; Middle French, from Late Latin apoplexia, from Greek apoplExia, from apoplEssein to cripple by a stroke, from apo- + plEssein to strike -- more at PLAINT
2 : my sudden unwelcome companion

Like I didn't have enough happening already.

This started a week and a half ago, I think. I've lost track. Sorry about that. Anyway, I woke up one day and my left side, my entire left side, was numb. It was like someone drew a line right down my middle and cut the power down on all the sensory organs on my left. My eyelid drooped slightly, my skin was numb from head to toe, and my sense of taste was all messed up.

Long story short, it was a pass to several days in the hospital, where I repeated the performance the next morning too, just for jollies.

Diagnosis: TIA strokes, because the effects go away after a while, which is a good thing. The bad thing is that there is no way to tell what exactly is causing this.

And aside from Plavix, a medication marginally better than the Aspirin I was already faithfully taking, there is not much in the way of treatment. Lovely.

I'm being nibbled to death yet again.

Since I've been out, I have had at least two more of them. They have been real small, no numbness, only the eyelid thing. They passed quickly. Doesn't make me comfortable with it though. I won't call the doc any more unless it is more of an "event" or lasts for more than a few minutes. They got enough money, and they'll get more of mine soon enough, I expect.

I never expected to get to the point in my life where my body was breaking down like this (stroke, heart, diabetes, thyroid, mental illness, etc. and etc.) at this young of an age. Inside I still feel eighteen.

Or does everyone always feel eighteen?

One day my body will perform the ultimate betrayal, and that will be that. Until then there is not much choice except to fight these battles, dodge these bullets until I am too tired to keep on doing it.

Tally ho, what?

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
Truman Capote
US author (1924 - 1984)

Permalink: 8/03/2006 01:08:00 AM |
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