"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
Walt Whitman (1819-92)
"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break."
Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC)
And now, the current weather, from some random person we pulled off the street:
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Turn Me Off
ap-o-plexy Function: noun Etymology: Middle English apoplexie, from Middle French & Late Latin; Middle French, from Late Latin apoplexia, from Greek apoplExia, from apoplEssein to cripple by a stroke, from apo- + plEssein to strike -- more at PLAINT 1 : STROKE 2 : my sudden unwelcome companion
Like I didn't have enough happening already.
This started a week and a half ago, I think. I've lost track. Sorry about that. Anyway, I woke up one day and my left side, my entire left side, was numb. It was like someone drew a line right down my middle and cut the power down on all the sensory organs on my left. My eyelid drooped slightly, my skin was numb from head to toe, and my sense of taste was all messed up.
Long story short, it was a pass to several days in the hospital, where I repeated the performance the next morning too, just for jollies.
Diagnosis: TIA strokes, because the effects go away after a while, which is a good thing. The bad thing is that there is no way to tell what exactly is causing this.
And aside from Plavix, a medication marginally better than the Aspirin I was already faithfully taking, there is not much in the way of treatment. Lovely.
I'm being nibbled to death yet again.
Since I've been out, I have had at least two more of them. They have been real small, no numbness, only the eyelid thing. They passed quickly. Doesn't make me comfortable with it though. I won't call the doc any more unless it is more of an "event" or lasts for more than a few minutes. They got enough money, and they'll get more of mine soon enough, I expect.
I never expected to get to the point in my life where my body was breaking down like this (stroke, heart, diabetes, thyroid, mental illness, etc. and etc.) at this young of an age. Inside I still feel eighteen.
Or does everyone always feel eighteen?
One day my body will perform the ultimate betrayal, and that will be that. Until then there is not much choice except to fight these battles, dodge these bullets until I am too tired to keep on doing it.
Tally ho, what?
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. Truman Capote US author (1924 - 1984)